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Wednesday, 20 August 2008

  • last man standing

    In veterinary school, I looked for people like me, people I could be comfortable with and that I could relate to. I found few of those, but perhaps importantly I found people I was comfortable around, no matter what else our conflicts. Perhaps the tragedy is that I was made to argue, my whole life is an ongoing argument, a witty, pithy dialogue. For some reason I was always best at constantly challenging the status quo and creating a universe of my own morality and reason. I am a law unto myself and I let my own conscience guide that law. A unitary example of anarchist beliefs in the goodness of mankind. And so, I found people who could tolerate my constant need for argument, but not sustain it, and those people will now be gone. For two semesters in a row, it has been like the end of an existence for me. My closest friends leave school and dont return. I've always pictured veterinary school to be like a continuum, a good group of the same people through the years, something I've looked forward to and been denied. Someone told me that I didn't need to feel responsible for them because all that truly mattered was getting through veterinary school myself. And then I considered, if I was the only person in my veterinary class, would I really be motivated to finish veterinary school? without any company? I doubt it, it would be hard, a constant uphill struggle. I'm not saying I need competition to be motivated. I'm saying that without people looking out for you, and without you looking out for your friends, there is a void in your veterinary aspirations. The mere presence of people is motivation enough, because there has to always be something outside of that driving passion. Something that can get you away from what drives you so mad with desire and would overwhelm you if you couldn't get away from it. And that something for me are other people. My friends. I'll have to find a new group of people in my class next semester. In this class I already dislike, among people who cannot lead the same lifestyle as me. And although I love being alone, I hate being a loner. It kills my spirit. I become more moody, more reclusive, quieter...just different when I know I'm alone. How would you feel if you had to change your closest group of friends from one set of 120 people every four months?

Monday, 14 April 2008

  • Where is your cultural identity?

    What does your culture mean to you? There are 6000 extant languages spoken on earth today. It is estimated that 90% of them will be lost within a century. Not to genocide (though that is always a possibility) but to neglect and cultural homogenization. This confuses me. While on the one hand, I greatly appreciate the value of being multi-lingual (being one myself), on the other, the barriers thrown up by cultural differences I see are the root of many of the problems we face today. And language is central to this, so I will use it interchangeably with culture. We can roughly assume that individual cultures assume their own languages and spiritual beliefs, all of which evolved together, but influences each other to a large extent. Cultural homogenization has been going on for several millennium and I see it as a positive factor to the growth of individual cultures and civilizations as well as the growth of the human race as a whole. The spread of Islam brought Arabic to even the most far-flung parts of the world, colonialism brought romance languages and made them an international standard. And the burgeoning populations of India and China and their increasing imposition of a homogeneous language of communication, Hindi for India and Mandarin for China, has in itself led to a decreased usage of several of their sub-cultural languages and a massive increase in these new homogenized languages. Now the two languages are spoken by the vast majority of these two rapidly growing countries, and the ease of communication due to the common language factor within these countries can easily be attributed as a main factor.
    Now on the other hand, there are cultures which will lose their languages and perhaps even the associated religious and historical significance that those languages give to their people. But their people are moving out, discovering that the world isn't so large, marrying into other cultures, religions and languages, raising their children in a hybrid of cultures, a clash of civilizations and even ways of thought. And their children no doubt may choose to accept and learn the various aspects of the dual nature of their heritage, but will almost definitely themselves marry into a different culture or into one or the other of their own heritage increasing the effects that has on their own progeny. This goes on and on in and endless loop until we are left in a few centuries with a few dozen major languages, fewer religions and fewer historical remnants of society. Does the preservation of these cultures and languages have to be within the historical populations? Are we confining the Australian aboriginals to speak their ancestral language and follow their ceremonies for some perceived benefit to mankind, like some kind of cultural zoo? I am uncomfortable with the menagerie of events that sustain and promote obscure dying languages and people, in the name of drawing 'tourism' and preserving heritage, like Balinese dancers become an archaic remnant of a society looking for western homogenization but caught in the profitable parade of what was once a sincere expression of history and mythology. And well into the next century, when the Balinese people have forgotten their religion and struggled to industrialize and commercialize and all those wonderful profitable, comfortable, 'ize' terms that western democracies spit out at them, then they will still have their dancers, their zoo of culture, until even that fades into loneliness, like the last lion at a circus when the world can afford a safari in Africa.
    What are we losing and what are we gaining? Are we defined by the history that no longer has bearing on our lives? Do we make choices based on religions we no longer follow? Is true independence of thought and feeling come from this non-culture, without the boundaries of ideology that a culture dictates? Or does that make us merely slaves to another ideology of a new culture we evolve for ourselves?
    It is no doubt imperative to document human history through its language and its culture in the hope that some lessons may never be forgotten, but do we dare impose this preservation upon people who choose to abandon it for their perceived security in integration? Will we eventually shed pretenses of our histories of black slavery, white oppression, brown pacifism, mongoloid industriousness, and be a human and not a history?
    I'm asking you whether you would be comfortable with a day when you can step outside and someone will not try and relate to you by the little they know of your culture (among the millions in the world) but they will relate to you as human beings. On that day, will that happen because you no longer possess that identity, lost in a stream of conformism (to obviously some ideal mid point), or will it happen because somehow, we can preserve a collective consciousness of history, language and religion without judging the other for it? I highly doubt the latter.
    So take your smiles and your tidbits about my heritage that you know and leave them at home and start from scratch. What language do you communicate to me in, how comfortable do you assume I am in that language and there we start again on the barrier that language gives us through our perceptions of it.
    But then who could ever stand a monolingual world, with a mono culture of brownish-blackish-whitish-yellowish skin with blackish-brownish-blondish hair and blackish-brownish-bluish-greenish eyes?
    Where does it all go?
    Where is your cultural identity in your life?

Friday, 11 April 2008

  • Heroes and the cult of Idol worship

    I am prone to idol worship. Its a tendency I've even tried to restrain in myself, because its childish really,isn't it? I need real-life characters, who are built in a mold unlike any other. The ones who have gone above and beyond to change their world and the status quo. I've idolized people as different as Che Guevara and Gandhi, but more recently, I've come to fear that this might be spreading to people I know. Because there is a distinct reality about their situation and the work they do to change their world. On reading Che or the mahatma, people are more prone to look for how forward thinking their ideas were for their time, rather than to see how out of sync with today those same ideas have become. Not individual ideas or concepts, for all these great men had singularly great ideas that were universally applicable through time. But as a personality, the cult of their existence which didn't die with them, should have. Maybe this is why I look for modern heroes in my world. Like the veterinarian I worked with in Cameroon, and my sheer envy for his position somehow becoming a admiration that was so intense that you feel that you need a good word, an encouraging comment, something that could validate yourself in the eyes of this new hero. I built heroes out of books they had written and that had been written about them and I made a journey to meet one of them. I was not disappointed, just...a decade too late to be impressed. Perhaps it is that energy of being and doing and living that I want to feed off. Because unless I am my own person saving the world, I'm not there.
    Then again when I am given that position and that enviable place in the world when I can effect real change, with wildlife, with poverty stricken rural communities, will I live in that energy, or will it be an in the now moment, a constant run of activity that leaves you wondering whether you were ever meant to be broke and saving the world. Now theres a terrible question to ask oneself, especially when relative to the financial success your life could have brought you, you choose the path less trodden. And then you tell yourself, ah, but money can't buy happiness, I'll bet all my rich friends are as overworked and under appreciated as myself. But will that altruistic choice bring happiness? Of course, it is a little ironic that it would be nice to derive a personal pleasure out of altruism, but does that negate the value of what you do with your life. In other words, are you saving the world to feel happy, or does your happiness lead you to save the world? I wonder if my idols think about that. I believe if they did and admitted so to me, it would make them more human and perhaps even more prone to being worshiped. Because there is no hero greater than the one who has weakness which you see, understand and relate to, because his good qualities are amplified by everything that pulls him down. I wonder what Mandela is like in person. I wonder if he ever cheated on Winnie, back when ANC was fighting the fight on the streets of Joburg and Cape town. I wonder if Salman Rushdie, ever said something that he was terribly embarrassed by in public. Something that made him berate himself mentally and that haunted his thoughts for weeks afterward. I wonder how many songs of his own that Bob Dylan hates and can't believe that he wrote them. Would you bring your own heroes down to your level only to feel that they will always be better at living their life than you will ever be? Or would you keep them as Idols, locked up in the temple of their cult, too far away to have flaws and too perfect to be real enough to worship?

Monday, 12 November 2007

  • a long long journey

    I just read my last post and I remember so much. I love remembering how I felt and those little significant details that made me want to post a blog. Its all on facebook now. But here I am, old faithful, a little delayed on xanga.

    I want to work in India. I have decided this. I've met the people I want to work with and I could not have hoped for a better crowd of future colleagues. All i need to do now is find wildlife veterinarians to join me.

    Right now however, I begin the longest continuous travel trip of my life. India, as much as possible, by rail. Bring it on!

    Currently Reading: The Pickup

Wednesday, 28 March 2007

  • back to basics

    I wanted to post a xanga post. I've missed these. I know I have recently expressed how uncomfortable I am with the idea of graduation. Then the other day I walked into my STATS 100 class, full of freshman as usual. The professor started her lecture. And although she keeps it pretty entertaining. I just realised, I never want to have to learn anything i wont need ever again. Is that a sign of growing up? I'm sure maturity has a lot better aspects than that. I do hope this means I'm ready to start life somehow. I hope this includes vet school and a job. Maybe..

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Arvycool

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